Ford is sick of being hugged.
Various relatives have told me “Enough with the hugging already! Let the boy go.”
But I’m not going to stop. After what happened yesterday, I just can’t imagine how I would go on without my son. I know it’s a cliche, but he really is my whole world. Everything I do, I do for him.
I didn’t really realize it until now. I thought my decisions… to be a Sojourner, to create a new life for us as a family away from the family where I was raised…I often felt selfish. But the horrors of yesterday’s events have been echoing in my brain. I try not to dwell, but I find my mind drifting to what my life would be like without Ford.
I can’t even contemplate. It’s too terrible.
I became a Sojourner because I needed… we needed to live our own life. I am and always will be grateful to the family members who did everything for us while I finished High School. Although some of our family looked the other way while I went through certain life changes, at least they never actively opposed me. And when I decided that Ford and I needed to move away, although they tsk-tsk’d and said it was a bad idea, they didn’t try to make it difficult for us.
Ford and I are “home” for the holidays. We have been since Thanksgiving. I was extra careful to have all my i’s dotted and my t’s crossed on the paperwork for Ford’s homeschooling so we could come back to see grandparents and everybody for a whole month. For more than a month…we’ll be here through New Year’s.
I have a permanent scar on my lip, I’ve had to bite it so many times. But it’s par for the course with my family. Everyone has opinions, and they’re not afraid to express them. There are certain rules I’ve stood my ground on, and others I’ve let relax. There are some rules that I don’t like but we’ve had to accept while we’re here. My parents think Ford should be limited to a half hour of computer use each day. They seem to think it’s just a brain-washing video game. They don’t understand what kind of a tool it is. I’ve bought him a tablet, and we’ve shown the elders how it’s a great way to read books. We don’t mention how he can also use it to access the web and a thousand aps. (Don’t worry. They won’t read this blog, not in a million years. It’s “new-fangled unnecessariness!”)
We still have a few weeks before we go back to Colorado. Rev. Mark said he might have a couple of short-term placements for me. We’re still hoping for a post where we can stay for a whole year. Ford’s good at making friends, but it’s hard for a kid to have to move around so much.
Whatever may come, I lay it in God’s hands.